ok so i was going to tell it all from the begining but its taking to long which is why i havnt posted for a bit.

i am going to start with 6th grade.

i was a straight a b student. i obeyed my mother, respected the teachers, and never had an attitude, but like all teenage girls ALOT changed. i got involved with people i shouldn't have, statred smoking and dressing hmm.. risque is the word im looking for i beleive. my 3rd form last month of 6th grade i got a ticket for smoking on campus and it all went downhill from there. 7th grade i flunked out almost, ditching class coming to school 2nd period. my teachers couldn't stand me nad my mother was devestated, she didn't know how to help. i mentioned that maybe had she been more involved with my childhood and actually given a shit about me, i just moght have turned out beter. well by now i was constantly fighting and had taken up pot. i was almost expelled the last week of school, but the said if i left the school, it wouldn't go on my record. so on to the privet school i went! uniforms and all. my grades inproved slightly i was a b c student my 8th grade year but my mom still didnt think it was good enough. no matter how hard i tried, she always had something to say. blaming everything and everyone, but never once looking in the mirror! but whatever, my daddie was always there for me and tried to help whenever he could.things were ok for a minute, i was content.

on to highschool!

9th grade i flunked 4 out of 6 classes and didnt even care. i had unprotected sex with 8 boys and protected sex with 2. i smoked pot everyday at least twice during school hours, once befor school and 2 or 3 times after. people told me i was screwing up and that the next four years were the most important years of my life but i never listened. i hated being immersed in life. i didn't want to be awake to waht was going on around me. i hated looking in the mirror at what i had become. i prayed to god every night that my son would never turn out like me. i stoped eating and when i did i would puke it up. i smoked a joint or two just to get the gnawing feeling in my stomace from not eating and having the munchies. it was the one thing i could control and i loved it. untill i got to week to carry my baby or start a lighter. but for some reason i couldnt stop. so i started cutting thinking that i had thrown my life away completly, having nohting to salvage i just gave up. thats when
Sauveur came in my life. she caught me puking one time and jsut held me, she didnt even know me yet she was there for me. so i told her everything, she helped me go to a counsler and i ended up in the hospital. my son now livces with my aunt and will live there untill i am 18. it was all for the best and i finall started getting back on track. my grade went upmy attitude changed and i stopped smoking pot and having sex. life was changeing and i got caught up in it, thinking that it was all going to be ok. well i was wrong, i curantly am failing 4 classes, on the verge of 5, i have started smoking again and i only eat one meal a day. i know its bad and i keep telling my self i am going to quit, but untill i do im going to keep seeing a theripist and hope for the best! wish me luck!

so after my mother finally aloud me and my daddie to reunite i got to meet princess laya for the first time [i name her this because when i first say her she had her hair done up like princess layas from star trek!] i was four almost five at the time. she was also a hipie! but back to the subject at hand, my daddie was living with his sister, her husband and their two kids at the time but was planing on moving in with princess laya. little did i know she had two kids, arcade [works as assist. man. at an arcade now] and cane [named after a saint and we really like candie canes!] ages 12 and 4. cane wouldnt talk to my dad for a whole year after he moved in and arcade had serious issues and was in counseling so he basically only fought with his mother and then my dad would step in and try to make it all better so it was VERY rocky when he first moved in. i was jealous because i had finally gotten my daddie back and now he had a whole new family, we stopped going on our mountain hikes that i loved, we used to go out and find all sorts of mushrooms, i know weirdest thing to be looking for right but i loved. it was just me and him and he knew all about mushrooms and would try to cook them for me but to this day i still dont eat mushrooms! can you say gag? anyways back to my story, at first me and cane didnt get along because i stole her teedie bear and hide it from her. i was a mean little girl and had major anger issues i made her cry alot and i was the worst when it came to tempertantrums! i made it so hard for princess laya it was bad enough with arcade and her but i would still fight with arcade and her just to cause problems! how horrible am i? well anyways it did start to get better after the first two years, me and cane became best friends and cane and my dad had actual conversations, arcade's counseling was working and we were starting to be a real family.at least they were, i still lived with my mother and only got to visit on school vacations. keyne and i loved each other but we both agreed that our parents couldnt get married because at such a young age we still beleived our original parents were going to get back together, but sadly we were mistaken, my daddie proposed and they were married new years. it was all good though because i was a bridesmaid! so a few years down the road my dad tries for full custody but fails. i was sad but didnt know how to pull away from my mother so i tried for many years to please both of them. little did they know that chance was abusing me mentally, physically, and sexually, this went on for three years ages 7 thru 10 when he finally moved out. my mother never new it well she knew he hit me but she never did anything about it. the bruises simply came from me playing out side or so she told the neighbors.i kept my mouth shut like alittle girl. Mother was so busy at work and never home, i didnt want to bother her for fear of her hating me. wow what a considerate 7 year old i was!
more form me later
kisses!
[sorry for the repition it will get better as i get further in]

ok so i guess i should start from the begining.

i am curently living with my mother but wish i was living with my father and his family because they are awsome, so supportive and caring! they dont tell me i look like crap all teh time and treat me like a dam slave1 but yea this is why i should start from the begining or else you will all think im some spoiled brat whos a bitch to her mom. that is SO not the case!

my mom had a very fun neglected but fun childhood and did whaterver she felt like doing. maybe thats why shes so messed up now but thats to much of and emotional and mental wreek to go into. my mom hooked up with a guy who was 35 when she was only 16 yea they wtill talk and waited untill she was 20 to have their first kid then 21 almost 22 to have there second but thats beside, he could be her dad! anyways they gave birth to hero and chance [no real names but it sums them both up]. in that order. then because my mom wanted a bigger world then what horse man could give her, they split and she moved to a grand new place with the boys. where she met numerous other men but not the ONE o no the ONE turned out to be my father she got pregnant then married, had me shortly after. when i was 2 1/2 she hooked up with red and got pregnant with her fourth and final child [so far] heart babie. yes she was still with my father, she kicked out shortly after i turned three. we stayed with eric for awhil but my mom needed a change so we had to sneak out in the middle of the night me, heart babie and my mother. hero and chance were with there father at the time. red was drunk and when he noticed we were no longer in the room [seconds after our escape] he came down the road after us seeing as we had no car it was pretty easie for him to catch up, now this boy was younger then my mom by a few years but not many maybe 7 or 8 so he was in shape took him all of 30 seconds to reach us. he tried to make my mom come back and almost made my mom drop heart babie [i forgot to tell you why he is named this, well its because he has half a heart born that way] so me being 3 grabed his shirt thinking i was invencible! he barly noticed just reaced behind with one hand and threw me into a sticker bush full of glass and other fowl smelling things. how invinceble did i feel you wonder... well lets just say i sobbed ok. i dont remeber any more tho sorry but i can make up an ending i just know we got away i think his roomate tire boy [still know him he works at an auto shop] saved us but the details are foggie since i was only three. i remeber a red and white blanket like a quilt type thing but yea thats about it. well after that bad split my mom swore off guys and has stayed pretty much single since then 11 years holy crap!! but yea for awhile we moved around occasionaly just me heart babie and mother but usally hero and chance were along for the ride we had lots of different houses and for a year my mom wouldnt tell my father where we were she kept me hidden!
more later
kisses

hey whats up all?
well for personal reasons i am going to keep this blog completely anonymous. no pictures or real names because while the Internet is huge and its doubtful anyone i know will ever read this, i need the security. I am going to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. no stretching it or excluding details OK! well i hope you enjoy!!