ok so i was going to tell it all from the begining but its taking to long which is why i havnt posted for a bit.
i am going to start with 6th grade.
i was a straight a b student. i obeyed my mother, respected the teachers, and never had an attitude, but like all teenage girls ALOT changed. i got involved with people i shouldn't have, statred smoking and dressing hmm.. risque is the word im looking for i beleive. my 3rd form last month of 6th grade i got a ticket for smoking on campus and it all went downhill from there. 7th grade i flunked out almost, ditching class coming to school 2nd period. my teachers couldn't stand me nad my mother was devestated, she didn't know how to help. i mentioned that maybe had she been more involved with my childhood and actually given a shit about me, i just moght have turned out beter. well by now i was constantly fighting and had taken up pot. i was almost expelled the last week of school, but the said if i left the school, it wouldn't go on my record. so on to the privet school i went! uniforms and all. my grades inproved slightly i was a b c student my 8th grade year but my mom still didnt think it was good enough. no matter how hard i tried, she always had something to say. blaming everything and everyone, but never once looking in the mirror! but whatever, my daddie was always there for me and tried to help whenever he could.things were ok for a minute, i was content.
on to highschool!
9th grade i flunked 4 out of 6 classes and didnt even care. i had unprotected sex with 8 boys and protected sex with 2. i smoked pot everyday at least twice during school hours, once befor school and 2 or 3 times after. people told me i was screwing up and that the next four years were the most important years of my life but i never listened. i hated being immersed in life. i didn't want to be awake to waht was going on around me. i hated looking in the mirror at what i had become. i prayed to god every night that my son would never turn out like me. i stoped eating and when i did i would puke it up. i smoked a joint or two just to get the gnawing feeling in my stomace from not eating and having the munchies. it was the one thing i could control and i loved it. untill i got to week to carry my baby or start a lighter. but for some reason i couldnt stop. so i started cutting thinking that i had thrown my life away completly, having nohting to salvage i just gave up. thats when
Sauveur came in my life. she caught me puking one time and jsut held me, she didnt even know me yet she was there for me. so i told her everything, she helped me go to a counsler and i ended up in the hospital. my son now livces with my aunt and will live there untill i am 18. it was all for the best and i finall started getting back on track. my grade went upmy attitude changed and i stopped smoking pot and having sex. life was changeing and i got caught up in it, thinking that it was all going to be ok. well i was wrong, i curantly am failing 4 classes, on the verge of 5, i have started smoking again and i only eat one meal a day. i know its bad and i keep telling my self i am going to quit, but untill i do im going to keep seeing a theripist and hope for the best! wish me luck!
